Apology to my unborn son.

I fear that you will never sleep
because like these fingers too weak to hold wings or commitment
...you will inherit my insomnia or my restless spirit
Child, i wish i could quiet all your questions
Tell you the exact numbers of stars in the sky
I wish i could tell you where the moon goes at sunrise
I want to give you a morning worth rising for
I pray that you will close your eyes & see the world
through the only thing that's fit to pass down to you
... this heart of a dreamer.. but i want you stronger
want you kind and brave
want you unafraid to fight for what you believe and need
want you free
want you nothing like your mother
this girl trembling before each new day
this girl frightened of herself
who finds the word woman to heaver to dawn most days
you deserve someone to wear the monacher like banner,
carries easy like sun and summer
But child, what can i tell you at peace when
you were probably conceived in a concoffiny of questions
Still... I think of you as possible
Can feel the breath of God's light against your skin
Can hear you softness, eyes closed, laughing real
I wish that we are not too much of shadow and brick
Voices thrown against walls, these hands are tired of building
I want you to like me, to know me
To know me now in moments like this
your mother lays awake watching yet another morning from the wrong side
...practicing this breathing that will one day usher you into this world
I still fear that you will never know sleep
but i know i will need your laughter, need the gentle curve of your fingers
need your eyes locked on mine
need you here, now.
for balance
I still think you deserve more than this thread of me.. who is your mother
still attempting her own world of colors
but child just promise me that you will be, eventually.
I need you like a night worth sleeping for.
Bassey Ikpi